Me: Hey! Your girlfriend is hot.
The other guy (blush): Yeah. I know.
*****
I was really careful when giving that message. I waited until the guy’s girlfriend (the guy looked pretty good, too) had gone to her bathroom, and my spouse had gone to his. You can’t tell someone she’s hot to her face--that’s harassment. And you can’t bring your significant other along for the reveal, or else the recipient will get creeped out thinking you’re looking for a couple swap or a threesome (which, incidentally, are fun rather than creepy, if done correctly). And you definitely can’t be a guy if you’re giving that message, because that’s threatening. You can’t express to a guy that he’s hot, or he may get confused and think you want to sleep with him, especially if he’s sleep deprived. And guys who erroneously think someone wants to sleep with them may take more effort to convince otherwise than they’re worth.
So in a well engineered social situation where none of the above goes wrong, what’s even the benefit of expressing appreciation for an unknown person’s aesthetics?
First, it’s unexpected. Similar things have happened with my and my spouse (here I’m thinking of the passing high-five he got from a random guy on the street when we were walking arm in arm), but never from a woman. Unexpected things make people think. In this case, think and appreciate. Anything you’re used to becomes the status quo, and people get used to their long-term, committed relationships. Their primary partners become a stand-in representation of the rest of humanity, not out of lack of thoughtfulness or awareness, or even taking their partner for granted, but just out of habit. So a bit of external validation (hey--what you worked hard to establish and maintain has some perks that are visible to the outside world) reminds them that they’re with someone obviously special.
Plus, its positive feedback. Guys work hard to find (and if they’re smart, maintain) relationships, especially relationships with attractive people. The attractive ones are bombarded with attention, and it’s particularly hard to get on their radars as a partner.
And finally, I correctly guessed it would infuse him/them with energy. All four of us walked out of the establishment at more or less the same time. With neither my spouse nor the girlfriend knowing what went on, all they could tell was that he was in a good mood. A really good mood. One that involved giggling, and doting on her. She seemed to enjoy herself.
Just as, when thoughtfully invited and maintained, outside partners can really spice up an established couple’s sex life, some flirtatious outside attention can infuse a partnership with novel energy. Novel experiences give couples that exciting feeling of being in crush, even without the emotionally gut-wrenching uncertainty of putting up with your lover crushing out on someone else.
My guess is that they had a fantastic time that night.
*****
Questions, comments, or stories? I've got time for you. Try me at polysaturated@rocketmail.com.
The other guy (blush): Yeah. I know.
*****
I was really careful when giving that message. I waited until the guy’s girlfriend (the guy looked pretty good, too) had gone to her bathroom, and my spouse had gone to his. You can’t tell someone she’s hot to her face--that’s harassment. And you can’t bring your significant other along for the reveal, or else the recipient will get creeped out thinking you’re looking for a couple swap or a threesome (which, incidentally, are fun rather than creepy, if done correctly). And you definitely can’t be a guy if you’re giving that message, because that’s threatening. You can’t express to a guy that he’s hot, or he may get confused and think you want to sleep with him, especially if he’s sleep deprived. And guys who erroneously think someone wants to sleep with them may take more effort to convince otherwise than they’re worth.
So in a well engineered social situation where none of the above goes wrong, what’s even the benefit of expressing appreciation for an unknown person’s aesthetics?
First, it’s unexpected. Similar things have happened with my and my spouse (here I’m thinking of the passing high-five he got from a random guy on the street when we were walking arm in arm), but never from a woman. Unexpected things make people think. In this case, think and appreciate. Anything you’re used to becomes the status quo, and people get used to their long-term, committed relationships. Their primary partners become a stand-in representation of the rest of humanity, not out of lack of thoughtfulness or awareness, or even taking their partner for granted, but just out of habit. So a bit of external validation (hey--what you worked hard to establish and maintain has some perks that are visible to the outside world) reminds them that they’re with someone obviously special.
Plus, its positive feedback. Guys work hard to find (and if they’re smart, maintain) relationships, especially relationships with attractive people. The attractive ones are bombarded with attention, and it’s particularly hard to get on their radars as a partner.
And finally, I correctly guessed it would infuse him/them with energy. All four of us walked out of the establishment at more or less the same time. With neither my spouse nor the girlfriend knowing what went on, all they could tell was that he was in a good mood. A really good mood. One that involved giggling, and doting on her. She seemed to enjoy herself.
Just as, when thoughtfully invited and maintained, outside partners can really spice up an established couple’s sex life, some flirtatious outside attention can infuse a partnership with novel energy. Novel experiences give couples that exciting feeling of being in crush, even without the emotionally gut-wrenching uncertainty of putting up with your lover crushing out on someone else.
My guess is that they had a fantastic time that night.
*****
Questions, comments, or stories? I've got time for you. Try me at polysaturated@rocketmail.com.
Hey! Your girlthing is hot.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you're hot.
ReplyDelete(Don't mind me; I just enjoy finding exceptions to rules.)