I love threesomes. I can’t imagine who wouldn’t.
Here’s what’s great about threesomes: no matter what the politics are, I always win.
Nina Hartley’s Guide to Total Sex, Chapter 13 gets a little defensive about why Nina would put up with having some other woman in bed with her and her husband (he may want to fuck your brains out, but he loves me), but at least she’s fairly secure through the pushiness. It’s nice to be in a committed relationship, where one of the many fun and varied times you’re getting it on involves a third person. That third person isn’t going to take either of you away from the other; there’s no drama about who’s going to sleep over; there’s no threat. It’s fun. On the drama-scale, it may even be a little boring.
The other likely option is that you’re the unicorn, the extra person brought in to spice up some established couple’s sex life. That’s a great position to be in, because it’s almost impossible to mess that up, or at least to mess that up because of what you did (as threesomes seem to be an uncommon experience for most people, they can bring up some unexpected emotions, but that’s usually drama between the established couple rather than specific to the third). Everyone’s looking for the unicorn, and with finding one being so rare, the established couple isn’t going to be too picky about what they get by the time they’re actively looking. And if they’re any good at people, they’re going to bend over backwards to make the unicorn happy about being with them.
The established couple gets security (boring, but generally what people want or claim to want). The occasional treat gets treated very, very well.
When we’ve had a unicorn (and “we” here can mean me with any of my heterosexual lovers, as I consider them all established), the new person in bed is exciting. They’re novel, and must be poked, stroked, and played with to figure them out. They usually start out getting all the attention, from both me and my lover. And if they’re playing with one of us, the other will make sure to keep them distracted. Anybody who survives the adventure with me in my lover’s bed all night is going to get breakfast made for them, to their specifications, and first crack at the shower.
When I’ve been the unicorn (given my sad general lack of interest in straight-up causal sex, this has only been with my girlthing and her spouse so far), life is fun! They giggle. All of my unique qualities (the ones I’ve lived with all my life and therefore take for granted) get pointed out to me, usually gleefully. They both want to play with me! They’re a gloriously fine-tuned sex machine that’s churning out results. If I am playing with one of them, the other’s usually helping, and there’s instant gratification. One evening began with me unwrapping a kinky sex toy. I got a four-handed hot wax massage when I keeled over from exhaustion. And I don’t even have to feign ignorance of the coffee maker; coffee just appeared in my hand the next morning.
The sad thing I’m noticing is that threesomes are fun no matter where I am in a hierarchy, but there’s still a hierarchy involved. And the Commie in me doesn’t take too kindly to that.
The other choices are a perfect triad with equal emotional attachment among all parties (sounds fun, been published elsewhere, and since there’s no source of drama, boring), or having a V wherein two people have an equal emotional attachment to one central person, but not with the other. I’ve tried the latter several times as well, either as the center or as one of the arms of the V. In those cases, the center of the V got all the attention, and it either went gloriously and synergistically with the two arms, or it somehow crashed and burned with drama. I’m sure those stories will come out later.
So maybe the safest thing for a threesome is for everyone to know and be secure in their ordered place on the totem pole.
*****
Got questions on dealing with multiple lovers? I’ve got answers! Try me at polysaturated@rocketmail.com.
Here’s what’s great about threesomes: no matter what the politics are, I always win.
Nina Hartley’s Guide to Total Sex, Chapter 13 gets a little defensive about why Nina would put up with having some other woman in bed with her and her husband (he may want to fuck your brains out, but he loves me), but at least she’s fairly secure through the pushiness. It’s nice to be in a committed relationship, where one of the many fun and varied times you’re getting it on involves a third person. That third person isn’t going to take either of you away from the other; there’s no drama about who’s going to sleep over; there’s no threat. It’s fun. On the drama-scale, it may even be a little boring.
The other likely option is that you’re the unicorn, the extra person brought in to spice up some established couple’s sex life. That’s a great position to be in, because it’s almost impossible to mess that up, or at least to mess that up because of what you did (as threesomes seem to be an uncommon experience for most people, they can bring up some unexpected emotions, but that’s usually drama between the established couple rather than specific to the third). Everyone’s looking for the unicorn, and with finding one being so rare, the established couple isn’t going to be too picky about what they get by the time they’re actively looking. And if they’re any good at people, they’re going to bend over backwards to make the unicorn happy about being with them.
The established couple gets security (boring, but generally what people want or claim to want). The occasional treat gets treated very, very well.
When we’ve had a unicorn (and “we” here can mean me with any of my heterosexual lovers, as I consider them all established), the new person in bed is exciting. They’re novel, and must be poked, stroked, and played with to figure them out. They usually start out getting all the attention, from both me and my lover. And if they’re playing with one of us, the other will make sure to keep them distracted. Anybody who survives the adventure with me in my lover’s bed all night is going to get breakfast made for them, to their specifications, and first crack at the shower.
When I’ve been the unicorn (given my sad general lack of interest in straight-up causal sex, this has only been with my girlthing and her spouse so far), life is fun! They giggle. All of my unique qualities (the ones I’ve lived with all my life and therefore take for granted) get pointed out to me, usually gleefully. They both want to play with me! They’re a gloriously fine-tuned sex machine that’s churning out results. If I am playing with one of them, the other’s usually helping, and there’s instant gratification. One evening began with me unwrapping a kinky sex toy. I got a four-handed hot wax massage when I keeled over from exhaustion. And I don’t even have to feign ignorance of the coffee maker; coffee just appeared in my hand the next morning.
The sad thing I’m noticing is that threesomes are fun no matter where I am in a hierarchy, but there’s still a hierarchy involved. And the Commie in me doesn’t take too kindly to that.
The other choices are a perfect triad with equal emotional attachment among all parties (sounds fun, been published elsewhere, and since there’s no source of drama, boring), or having a V wherein two people have an equal emotional attachment to one central person, but not with the other. I’ve tried the latter several times as well, either as the center or as one of the arms of the V. In those cases, the center of the V got all the attention, and it either went gloriously and synergistically with the two arms, or it somehow crashed and burned with drama. I’m sure those stories will come out later.
So maybe the safest thing for a threesome is for everyone to know and be secure in their ordered place on the totem pole.
*****
Got questions on dealing with multiple lovers? I’ve got answers! Try me at polysaturated@rocketmail.com.
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