I was at a lover's house screening someone as a possible third. The potential third was over for dinner, and I knew this guy, but my lover didn't. The third had two distinct advantages: a self-proclaimed superior talent for box jobs and a Rolodex full of highly satisfied females who might also be willing to act as thirds.
I was rather smitten by the idea of a superior box job, enough so that I'd be willing to overcome my general disdain for casual sex (see Post #5) to do the experiment. I was smitten enough that I failed to register some odd signs. A few not-so-subtle jabs at my established partner. And when my lover started yawning and putting his clothes out for the next day, the Pussy Whisperer didn't get the hint to leave. He had to be shown the door.
At the debrief, my lover pointed out the signals of narcissism, which usually correlates with a poor choice in lover, and I was flabbergasted to have remembered them all but not taken the signals as the red flags they were presenting. We jointly opted to forgo the threesome and the potential matchmaking and just enjoy each other's company for the moment.
I'm sharing this particular story because it illustrates a number of things I think about fairly frequently:
(1) Hospitality. This is a shout out to the way-better-than-average people I date. In this case, my lover is someone who was willing to entertain--with perfect manners and at home--someone for long after he showed himself to be unsavory. And my lover managed to keep the upper hand; a temporarily unpleasant situation doesn't need an invitation to be repeated.
(2) If you want to play, don't diss an established partner. Ever. You are either going to lose or you'll get with someone who's not worth playing with anyway.
(3) I was extremely glad to have someone whose head wasn't swimming with promises of a life-changing box job watching my back and screening people for/with me. Two opinions are better than one, especially if they lead to a quick consensus. Relevant reading for similar situations or any situation when you're evaluating someone alone: The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Beker. It's less about fear itself and more about learning to listen to the little responses your body gives when you're with someone who's giving you the willies.
That's all for now. Got a topic or a question? Let me know at polysaturated at rocketmail dot com.
I was rather smitten by the idea of a superior box job, enough so that I'd be willing to overcome my general disdain for casual sex (see Post #5) to do the experiment. I was smitten enough that I failed to register some odd signs. A few not-so-subtle jabs at my established partner. And when my lover started yawning and putting his clothes out for the next day, the Pussy Whisperer didn't get the hint to leave. He had to be shown the door.
At the debrief, my lover pointed out the signals of narcissism, which usually correlates with a poor choice in lover, and I was flabbergasted to have remembered them all but not taken the signals as the red flags they were presenting. We jointly opted to forgo the threesome and the potential matchmaking and just enjoy each other's company for the moment.
I'm sharing this particular story because it illustrates a number of things I think about fairly frequently:
(1) Hospitality. This is a shout out to the way-better-than-average people I date. In this case, my lover is someone who was willing to entertain--with perfect manners and at home--someone for long after he showed himself to be unsavory. And my lover managed to keep the upper hand; a temporarily unpleasant situation doesn't need an invitation to be repeated.
(2) If you want to play, don't diss an established partner. Ever. You are either going to lose or you'll get with someone who's not worth playing with anyway.
(3) I was extremely glad to have someone whose head wasn't swimming with promises of a life-changing box job watching my back and screening people for/with me. Two opinions are better than one, especially if they lead to a quick consensus. Relevant reading for similar situations or any situation when you're evaluating someone alone: The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Beker. It's less about fear itself and more about learning to listen to the little responses your body gives when you're with someone who's giving you the willies.
That's all for now. Got a topic or a question? Let me know at polysaturated at rocketmail dot com.
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